Journey to Self: The Five Stages of Healing with Anat Peri

Speaker 1: 0:00

And see to me, your transformation is not, I've discovered. I realized it's not a walk in the park on a beautiful sunny LA day. It's a walk through a burning forest and there's some dragons to play.

Speaker 2: 0:15

Welcome to Tried and True with the Dash of Wu, where we're all about mixing tried and true strategies that actually work with the magic of manifestation and the science of programming your unconscious mind so that you walk away feeling integrated, inspired and aligned. I'm Renee Bowen, certified life and business coach, professional photographer, middle-aged wife and mom to now three grown kids. I've built two multiple six figure businesses with zero business training by digging in and learning the methods, and now I'm here to pass them all on to you, from photography and business strategies to energy healing, human design and the basics of manifestation we cover it all here. I'm here to help you embrace your multi-passionate brains and lean in to the fastest and most efficient ways to reach your goals, whatever they may be. Whether you're a season pro or just starting out, or maybe you're just here for the woo-woo let's dive in and explore all the exciting ways to take your life, business and self-improvement to the next level. Thanks for joining me and get ready to be inspired. Hey, hey, it's Renee, your host. Thank you so much for joining me once again for tried and true with the dash of woo. I love having you guys here with me every week. It has been such an amazing journey. This podcast is doing so well and it's all thanks to you. You guys are showing up every week and listening and downloading and you're sharing with your friends, which really means the world to me. Like I cannot even explain to you how appreciative I am for that, truly, because, I'm not going to lie this podcast is a lot of work, but it is so worth it when I get those DMs and messages from you guys telling me how much you love it and how much the episodes are impacting you and your life and your business. And today's episode is absolutely amazing. It's basically a workshop. So get your notebooks ready because you are going to actually get some work done on your mindset game today, big time. We are going super deep here.

Speaker 2: 2:27

Annot Perry is the CEO and founder of the training camp for the soul and the renowned creator and master facilitator of the TCS method, which she created. With over 18 years of experience in developmental work and years of study as a trauma informed coach, annot has beautifully combined mindset, somatic healing and inner child reparenting to create her unique and massively needed business. Today, with over 4000 sessions guiding individuals, practitioners, business owners and their teams through the TCS method, she has created the kind of change that shapes the future of the world as we know it. She's had six figure launches, led over 30 retreats and, for the past three years, certified 30 practitioners in the TCS method. Our conversation today, like I said, goes really deep, you guys. So she's going to go over a little bit about her background and what led her to this type of work, which I find fascinating, and also really find a lot of parallels between she and I, which I think is going to be really interesting for you guys to listen to as well. But she also walks us through her five stages of healing, and she doesn't just scratch the surface with these. We go really deep into each one. So you're going to learn quite a bit today. So I'm really excited to dive into that.

Speaker 2: 3:50

But first I wanted to also remind you guys, for all the photographers who listen to the podcast, I'm reopening my cohort called Elevate Evolution. It is only open twice a year. It is a six month cohort and it's limited to 25 photographers. I've been running this for about four, four years now, I believe, and most of my members have been with me from the beginning, and some of them are past one on one clients as well. So I love this group. It is an amazing, amazing cohort for you to learn. It's more than a membership. It's like a mastermind without the price tag of one, but it's kind of like having a coach and your BFFs in your pocket. We have this private boxer thread that we just get a lot done. I am only opening it, like I said, for a short time, and we start again in January, so this next cohort is going to go from January through June. I love this group, so the vibe needs to stay high. We get a lot done, but there's a lot of compassion and a lot of accountability inside of this group as well. It is literally like nothing else I've seen in our industry, so obviously I'm very protective of it and I'm so grateful to be able to continue to offer this to these photographers. It's really, really special.

Speaker 2: 5:17

In fact, I'm having a retreat for the current members who are in it now. We're having a retreat in January and they're coming out to LA and we're going to do a workshop and we're going to have a day of shooting and a day of learning and that's going to be absolutely amazing. I might have two spots open for that If you're listening and you want to come to LA and you want to learn, you want to shoot with us, you want to, you know, be in the room and talk shop with us. It's going to be two days January 26th, friday night through Sunday, the 28th. So there's a dinner on Friday night and then there's two days. You're interested? Let me know. Like I said, it is an amazing group and we're going to have some styled shoots that are going to be super fun and I'm going to actually take everybody's headshots as well while they're here. So right now, it looks like I have two spots that are open. If you want info on what that entails, dm me on Instagram at Renee Bowen, or shoot me an email, renee, at Renee Bowencom, and we'll chat about that. And if you want to join us for this next round, this next six months it's really special I'd love to have you check out the link that's in the show notes. There's information all there for you.

Speaker 2: 6:31

Okay, let's get into this incredible chat that I had with Anott. You guys are going to love her. Like we totally vibe. She and I are like same wavelengths. We totally get each other. I probably could have chatted with her for several more hours. In fact, we did continue chatting for probably at least another 30 minutes after I clicked stop recording. So you're going to love it and I want to hear, of course, what you guys thought of this. So hit me up and let me know Thank you for being here today with us and that I am so, so excited for this conversation. I want to just kind of jump right in and then we'll kind of start swimming from there. Can you share the story behind the inception of training camp for the soul, which is this amazing program that that you have, that you run? It's kind of like your whole vibe, right. What inspired you to even go in this direction and to create that?

Speaker 1: 7:29

Well, so training camp has been around for eight years. I've been in the industry, for January will be 19 years, and prior to that I was always someone that my friends came to for the wisdom, the advice. God knows what I said to them back then, but whatever it was, it created this you know sense of peace for them. So it was a path that I was always curious in, but didn't want to major in psychology. I didn't want the eight years of traditional schooling, and so I did business and finance instead. So how did I end up here was? Well, self development found me anyway 19 years ago, and really what led me to it was the relationship that I had with my mother. It was just like we always butted heads, and so we did our first program together. She paid for it and I said to her good, now you'll see that I'm right and you're wrong Typical right. And what I discovered in it, or started to discover, was, first off, that I just loved witnessing people transform. I loved the space of it, and so I never left. I stayed around a particular organization for years, did years of my own development through it, as well as volunteered and coached and mentored, and all that and eight years in, I could say that I was very much developed as a leader and as a coach and had great listening skills and ability to work with people.

Speaker 1: 9:06

But if you looked at my personal life, it was a shit show. I was had no self love. I was in a five year passionate, co-dependent relationship. I was $40,000 in debt, most of which was self development so well invested, well spent and I was lost in my careers. I was living in New York City. I had a lot of anxiety. I couldn't be by myself Like I love needed to be with people. Anytime I was by myself, I felt this emptiness, this hollowness inside me. At the same time, living in New York City, it was just it got too intense for me. I also didn't want to be out with people.

Speaker 1: 9:53

So I hit this break point, this like ground zero point about 11 years ago where I was just like I'm done, I'm done with New York, I'm done with this relationship. I just got to burn it all to the ground and bought a one way ticket to California with $2,000 to my name, no car, no job, no home, no plan and one girlfriend in San Diego who took me in and just realized that like, okay, I know a lot, I have a lot of awareness, but why does my life still look this way? So clearly, whatever I know is not making a difference at all. So I was like God, take the wheel, Like I just have to let go. You know, there's something about the energy of New York which is like, oh, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

Speaker 1: 10:44

And so we get a little cocky or we think that we could just push through and force and that was very much me. I just kept put. I was just like tenacious, relentless, like will not give up, and what I actually needed to do was give up, was let go of what I thought that I knew was best for me and start to really discover, because I was operating from a place of survival. So it was like what I knew was survival and just push through that and endure that and suffer in this way.

Speaker 1: 11:20

And so I got to California and I discovered new ways. I discovered meditation and yoga and plant medicine and you know, tapping into somatics and all this new world of tools that I never had when I was in New York City. And I also discovered that I didn't love myself, that I'd only scratch the surface. You know I call it like you have a garden, you are a garden and there's all these weeds, and if you don't have the right tool, then you end up just trimming the weeds and so you get relief for a little bit of time, but then it grows back, and that was me for eight years. It was like I had some tools. A lot of them were just cognitive mindset tools, which are still important but are only a part of the equation and, if anything, the experience of having awareness of your shit, of your weeds, and having some tools but not the right tools could be even more disheartening than for those that are clueless that they even need to change a thing about themselves.

Speaker 2: 12:34

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:35

And it's because now you can't unsee what you've seen, but you don't have the right tools. So you're kind of stuck in this, like, well, I have to keep managing myself, I have to keep managing myself, and it's exhausting. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this. Once you open this up, this Pandora box, it's like, well, now what do I do with all of it? Of course I didn't give up. I just let go of what I thought that I knew was best for me and was led down a beautiful path and eventually met my mentor. He was a body-mind psychologist for over 40 years. He passed away longer with us, but the work that we did together was my first experience of real transformation.

Speaker 1: 13:26

To me, transformation is not, I've discovered, I realized it's not a walk in the park on a beautiful sunny LA day. It's a walk through a burning forest and there's some dragons to slay. It's not like aha moments. Oh my God, I feel so much better. It's actually like oh fuck, I'm feeling so many things I don't want to feel and I'm a mess. And now I'm crying and now I'm feeling this pain. Oh my God, is this ever going to end? What's on the other side? I just don't know If anybody listening experiences it in that way. Congratulations, you're on the right path, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 14:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:05

So I worked with him and when I came to him he said you're different. I go yeah, he's like you have a lot of awareness. I'm like, oh fuck, yeah, I'm so aware. He goes you're here for finishing touches. I'm like please, God, please, I'm just so done managing me, I'm ready, I want to serve other people. And so I worked with him for four months and at the end of it he said you have a real gift for this. Would you ever want to do what I do? And I'm like no, I want to sit in an office and see people for an hour. No, this doesn't appeal to me.

Speaker 1: 14:42

And really not that I didn't know what I wanted. I felt free for the first time. I felt free from meeting other people. I felt like I could be with myself and that I wanted to be with myself, that I wanted to get away from other people. And so I gave myself 90 days.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Then I quit my job and bought a one-way ticket to Maui and then Kauai and spent five months just adventuring and having love affairs and writing and playing and hiking, and just like playing with my inner child, like all the years that I forced myself, disconnected from myself, burned myself out. I was like I just want to take a break and play, like who am I? And so I did that. And four months into it I was like, ok, I feel good. Yeah, I want to do something with this. So I reached out to my mentor and I worked with him for a few months in just getting clear on what I wanted to create. And then I started training camp for the soul. I felt that at that point I had enough tools and inner healing and awareness that I've been seeking for 10 years, because I wanted to start coaching when I was a teenager, but I was also in integrity with. I had what people would call imposter syndrome, which was very much fair, like who am I to go work with people. And it was true, I didn't have my shit together. You shouldn't, you should really wait until you at least have your own shit together. Then you know you got some good tools that you can help other people. You can't take people where you haven't gone yourself. And so, yes, I felt ready at that point and I started my business.

Speaker 1: 16:38

No social media, no podcasting, no website. This was eight years ago, so obviously social media has now become more of a requirement for these things. But I just word of mouth, you know, just knocking on doors Now I'm kidding, I didn't knock on doors, but just word of mouth, meeting people, being referred to people, and my business took off. I did six figures my first year and never looked back from there and built it organically because it worked, because people got profound transformation from it.

Speaker 1: 17:12

And a year into it I had clients say to me I want to learn to do what you do, and I was like I don't know what this is. And then for two more years I kept hearing that. And so four years in is when I set the intention to get clear on what is my method, how can I duplicate myself, how can I teach people? Because people want to learn from me. And so I set that intention, achieved that intention, and then for the past three and a half years I've been certifying coaches, healers and leaders in my methodology, and so that's been. That's a snippet of my journey. That's amazing. Yeah, no thanks.

Speaker 2: 17:53

That's amazing because, yeah, I think that, well, what you're doing is so very needed. Obviously I kind of had a similar. You know, I came out to LA in 1995, not knowing what the heck I wanted to do, but I dove right into all the all, the all the healing stuff. You know, I was very much from Louisiana originally, so it wasn't, it wasn't available to me there, right yeah?

Speaker 2: 18:19

here, and I was like, oh my gosh, this is it, this is this. I just felt more like myself, like more me here than I ever felt anywhere else, and so I knew that was aligned. And I did have a degree in psychology. I was also that person that everybody came to as a teenager, everything you know. I always felt like I wanted to work with people but I never wanted to be a psychologist, like I knew fully, going into that program, I was not going to be a psychologist. But I got that degree anyway because it was kind of like, you know, it was kind of expected, you know, supposed to go to college. So I was like, if I'm going to go to college, I'm going to do this, but I know that's not, I'm not going to go and get a master's, I'm not going to get a. I'm like that's like you said, I don't want to sit in an office, but I went to massage therapy school when I got to LA and I was like oh, I really want to combine the body and the mind.

Speaker 2: 19:04

So I really want to dive into that a little bit with you, because I know that the somatic aspect is a really big part of what you do. So can you sort of kind of take us through, like, how you know, how do mindset and somatic healing work together in your methodology to facilitate change?

Speaker 1: 19:22

Yeah, yeah, absolutely Absolutely. So, yes, they do. They work cohesively together and it's so important that we give attention to both. You know, somatic has become the hot word in the past few years. Everyone's jumping on breath work or everything somatic. Everyone is saying, oh, forget the NLP, forget the mindset, which is what I spent eight years around. And so for me, having experienced both, I see the power and the necessity of both, Because I've actually had clients that are so, have done no mindset work, are all in the somatics, and what would happen a lot of times is that their mind would hijack them.

Speaker 1: 20:05

It's like, okay, I'm so good at being in my feelings and expressing all the energy and all that, but then they're always looping back into it, Because what happens is that you know what you say to yourself, the beliefs you have influence how you feel, and so you could be all about the fields and feel all the fields, but if you don't rewire and shift the stories and the beliefs that you have, then you're going to loop back in, Then you're going to get hijacked constantly, and if all you have is mindset and you're just you know, which was like I said me for eight years you're like so aware of the stories that you're just like oh, I'm just going to nip that in the bud, you know, I'm just going to trim that. Then you're gaslighting yourself Because there's a lot that needs to be felt through. You need to validate the experience. Instead of saying which is something that I said years ago it's like oh, don't be sad about the fact that dad wasn't. Dad was always working. When you were a kid, he was doing that for you. He was supporting the family so mom could be home with you. Just go have a good relationship with him now.

Speaker 1: 21:17

And I thought that was the fix. Instead of no sweetheart Grief. Feel the sadness and the grief that little and not had because daddy was always working and wasn't there to give her the love that she needed from her daddy, not just from her mommy. Feel that, and so the importance of both. So what was your question? Now?

Speaker 2: 21:50

Yeah, no, that totally answered it and it's really exactly that. I feel that on a very, very deep level. I, too, am super self-aware, and I know a lot of my listeners are. We've kind of done all the things and read a lot of the books and been in therapy for years and all of these things and those are all great, right, whatever. But yes, we really do need we're not just a walking head, we are a body this physical experience and we hold things in our body.

Speaker 2: 22:22

As a massage therapist for years, I got really good at finding out exactly where people just intuitively and plus I went through Reiki training as well so energetically I could feel where their energy was and how to help them move through it. There's a lot of different ways to do that somatic sort of balancing and expressing, but I think that you really hit a very, very important point that I hope people listen to is that you do have to feel it, because if you're not feeling that and you're not actually allowing yourself to experience that feeling, you are You're gaslighting yourself. You're gaslighting yourself into just suck it up, all of those things that we were kind of also told, probably as kids too. So the inner child work is so important and as someone who does a lot of hypnosis and things like that, I'm really big on the unconscious. Obviously I do love working with that part of us, so much of that.

Speaker 2: 23:25

I always tell people you kind of have to think about your unconscious as like seven-year-old you Like that is that little version of you. And so let's kind of talk about that concept of the inner child and the re-parenting. How significant I know the answer to this, but how significant do you think that is in personal growth and also how that extends into people's businesses, right, like how that shows up for them, not just for their personal development, but how that expresses in their business that inner child work, how important it is, and also what is the best way for someone to start that process. Who might be? Like what does that even look like?

Speaker 1: 24:06

To me, inner child re-parenting work is what's going to take you from survival into creation. It's what's going to give you the power to know that you can become the editor of your script of your life. What we all have in common is that at one point, we were all kids with parents whether those parents were present or absent, functional or dysfunctional and so all of that formed some kind of script that we now play out, and we learned that script by what we saw, what we heard and what we felt energetically either how mom and dad felt about themselves or how they made us feel. And yes, there's influences of our society and siblings and grandparents and neighbors, but for the most part, you look at mom and dad as your role models and they develop that script, and now you're just playing it out. You either copy or you do the opposite.

Speaker 1: 25:10

You rebel or you create a way to survive because it was an incident that was traumatic and required you to just come up with some survival strategy.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Either way, none of those are you, and so here you are, surviving a script that was given to you, that was inherited, that was imprinted in you, and you're playing out roles in your life that some of which you don't want to play, but you have to because it's your survival, and you're casting people to play in the movie of your life based on what feels safe and familiar. Familiar doesn't actually mean healthy. Those of you that grew up in a house that was chaotic, chaos is familiar to you, where, anytime you experience peace and calmness, you're hyper-vigilant, you're anxious. You cannot relax in peace because it's unfamiliar to your nervous system, and so the re-parenting and the rewiring is really the key to you coming out of survival and into being able to create your life and handle whatever life's going to give you. I'm 44. I know I've lived enough to know that life doesn't stop handing you opportunities for growth, where you get to choose to meet those edges and challenges that you have to meet and overcome, and so it's really the key to all of that.

Speaker 2: 26:47

Yeah, that's a really great way of looking at it. I think too, and I think so many of us. I mean, I'm 53. So I'm of that generation. What?

Speaker 1: 26:56

I'm of that generation. Good, I hope I look good. I mean, I know I look good for 44, but holy moly.

Speaker 2: 27:02

OK, rub some of that on me. It's all that self-development. I'm just kidding, that is a part of it.

Speaker 1: 27:09

Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2: 27:10

It is 100%. One of my really dear friends who is an amazing healer medium. She's amazing, she, and I always joke about that because she's like I think we might be the only two women in this area who don't have Botox. I know it might be us, but I think there's a lot to be said for that personal growth and development. Right, releasing it's the releasing. Like you said before, it's the letting go, it's the letting go.

Speaker 2: 27:40

Honestly, there's so much power in that and it's so hard for people to do. I get it, totally get it, yeah, but there's so much freedom on the other side of that. So I really do hope that those of you who are listening can take that away from this as well. But I am from that generation of, like I said before, just get over it, you're fine, you're good, whatever. And a lot of us didn't have parents who it's the joke, right, it's the Gen X joke of our parents had to have a commercial that came on at 10 o'clock at night to remind them to take care of us. Like, do you know where your kids are? Have you hugged your child today? Oh my.

Speaker 1: 28:22

God, you're so ready for.

Speaker 2: 28:24

God's help. I know that is some fucked up shit. Isn't that so fucked up? Maybe a reminder? I saw that on Instagram the other day Someone had posted the actual video and I took me right back down to my childhood and I was like, oh my God, they really did have a commercial reminding our parents to hug us. Now, luckily I came from. I was like an anomaly. I came from a very loving family, Like my mom came from a very big family. I never really felt unloved in that way, but there was definitely a lot of just suck it up, just get over it, You're good, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 28:59

So like you said, we all carry our own stuff, our own stories, our own. It's not even ours, right, but it was imprinted upon us against our will and so it's our job to look at that with truth and honesty and kind of work through that if we want to get through the other side of it and it's not comfortable, it's not all roses there's going to be stuff that comes up. But those triggers, man, there's so much gold in those triggers if you allow them to come forth. So I want to get into, because you talk about these five stages to healing in your TCS method. So what are they? And then why are they crucial to this transformation? Yeah, awesome.

Speaker 1: 29:44

I'm going to give you a little bit of a bonus and you guys will get a lot of nuggets. So, pause, grab your notebook and also, as you hear these because I'll go in depth into each one really check in with, like, what stage you're at with a certain trigger or what stages you skipped. That may give you a real peace of mind now, knowing you're not crazy. Why is this thing still here? Oh, because you skipped a few steps. I went, I did eight years of stage one, stage five and skipping two, three, four. So let's get into it, because I'm sure you're all already curious, ready to write.

Speaker 1: 30:23

So stage one is awareness and it's what has people obviously start this journey. Pick up the book, the podcast, hire the coach, go to the workshop. Right, there's something that you're aware of that you don't like, that you want to fix, or your husband wants you to fix, or your mother you need to fix her, or something right, that's what had me start this journey. And there's so much deeper to explore, just in stage one, of not just what you're aware of, because most likely, whatever you're aware of is just scratching the surface what's the survival pattern that's there, what's the actual belief that is operating there and what part of me am I listening to? And so in exercise, I like to give away a lot of tools here, guys, so that you get more value than just this incredible conversation. So an exercise that you can all do to start to get into deeper awareness, deeper understanding of yourself is to get it out of your head.

Speaker 1: 31:34

Because when we're in a trigger, in an upset, we do one of two things we either call our best friend or we go to the ice cream or whatever, and we just hear all the different voices in our head fighting for attention. And the thing about that is, most of the time then we only end up hearing the loudest voice, which is not your inner child's voice. It's usually your ego. And here's the thing your ego is not bad. Your ego is your amigo. Your ego is actually your best, your ultimate protector when you don't know how to tend to yourself and your inner child. It is designed to protect you. But what it looks like, the ego's approach is focus external. It's let's look outside of ourselves to feel better, whether that's watching TV or eating the ice cream or saying, well, you're prettier than her, you're smarter than her, you're better than her. So all of it is not taking you to healing you, it's all to distract you, but hey, it's there for your survival.

Speaker 1: 32:49

So the better you get at tending to the inner child, which I'll back up and give you an understanding of your inner child is the part of you that feels. It's your emotions, all of your emotions. It's the child walking into the room and saying, oh my God, I'm so excited, I met the sweetest man. Or it's a child walking to the room and be like, oh my God, I haven't heard from him in days. I'm like super anxious. What do I do? I don't think he likes me, I don't think I'm pretty enough, right, either way, it's the happy, horny or it's the anxious, sad, frustrated. So anytime you feel anything want you to picture and imagine that little boy or that little girl being the part of you, walking into your bedroom, running over to you and expressing that Okay, so we'll pause there.

Speaker 1: 33:44

So this practice is anytime you feel triggered or you feel like your mind is going a million miles an hour and you can't focus or be present because there's just a dinner party happening in your head and everybody is yelling over everyone. I want you, instead of calling your best friend who's amazing and is going to listen to every word you say, but still it's not going to do anything. I want you to turn to your journal. I want you to grab a piece of paper and I want you to imagine that you are sending this off to your best friend, which means you are safe to say it all. You don't need full sentences, you don't need filters, you can just let it be messy. Whatever you hear in your head, you are dropping down on paper. You are taking a journal. Dump right, dump it all out, go, go, go, go, go. Sometimes you won't be able to write as fast as the noise is happening, so just go with it and then go back and read it and circle anywhere that you hear.

Speaker 1: 34:55

I feel dot, dot, dot. I am dot, dot, dot. I feel like, or I can't, I wish. So all of those, except for the I wish, are your inner child. That's the voice you want to pay attention to, because you're going to hear a lot of other shit in there too. You're going to hear your inner critic that's going to judge you. You're going to hear the ego that's going to say well, fuck him, you're better than that, right. So this is the part that needs tending to. Now you get to imagine closing your eyes and that part of you walking into the room and saying that sentence I feel like no one cares about me or I feel scared. Well, if it's just an emotion like I feel scared or I feel alone or I'm sad, then what does a child need? When they feel that way, you're going to hold them and just say it's okay, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, feel that. If it's a belief like no one cares about me, I'm always going to be alone, that's a limiting belief. That is a part of your script.

Speaker 1: 36:17

There's someone that modeled that to you. Who modeled it to you? Mom or dad? Whose energy is that? By the way, mom is your role model for the self, everything self-related. You learned from mom. Whether you copied or rebelled, yeah, it's a fact, because the second you were born you didn't know you were looking at mom or you didn't understand that she said I'm your mommy, but her voice and her energy felt familiar to you because you just spent 10 months with her. You don't see mom as separate. You see mom as you. In that moment, mom becomes your role model for everything related to how you see yourself, treat yourself, talk to yourself. Dad is everything. That's not the self, others, the world, relationship to others. You get to explore, become more aware, explore deeper.

Speaker 1: 37:16

Who modeled this to me? Is this mom's energy or dad's energy, or sometimes both, which is hard? But always start with mom, always start with the self. Is this what I saw, heard or felt from them? Is this how they made me feel? So you could start to explore. What has you believed this? You can start to explore where am I feeling this in my body? If it's a sensation, if it's an emotion? A lot of times we label our emotions as good or bad and what happens when we label them is the mind takes over. If it's bad, I got to fix it, I got to make it stop, go away. If it's good, it's like oh, I want more of that and really the opportunity is to be with it at the level of sensation, because excitement and anxiety feel the same in the body. It's more of what's the story. Are you walking down the aisle about to marry the love of your life, or did your boss just call you into their office?

Speaker 2: 38:24

Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1: 38:26

And so let's get away from the label and get more curious about it at the level of sensation of energy, because that's what it is. It's energy in our body. And when we speak, when we start to identify what that sensation feels like, oh, it's in my chest, it's tight, it's the size of a golf ball, it's heavy, it's ice cold or whatever it is Name it in as many ways as you can. You're not judging. You're in facts, this is what it feels like. And you're also then speaking the language of the nervous system. The nervous system understands sensations. And so then you're working with the nervous system, where the nervous system can start to digest and process and discharge that energy and get familiar with that energy, so that you go from I can't be with peace, I get anxious and hypervigilant when things are calm and peaceful to oh, I could be with peace. You start to build your nervous system's capacity to handle different energy and what that brings up in. So I kind of jumped into stage two here, which is acceptance. Stage two is acceptance, and it's the hardest stage for people to cross, to move through, because we're not used to accepting, we're used to judging or fixing, we're not used to seeing that it's OK to feel this way, right. And so practicing acceptance is that there's nothing to change, there's nothing wrong, there's nothing to fix, it just is. And a lot of times, if we are in an upset, in a trigger and you accept it, it'll move through you in 90 seconds.

Speaker 1: 40:39

They've done Harvard studies on this Same thing with a child. You see a child, you have a child, some of you listening, and if they're upset and you come over to them and you create safety for them and you say it's OK, yeah, it's OK, yeah, you're validating, they're feeling. Yeah, you're upset right now. Yeah, fully feel it, I'm here for it, I'm your cheerleader, I love you, I'm not going anywhere. Set your timer 90 seconds. They're out the door playing again. But if you tell them, shut your mouth, we're in public, you behave yourself and they have to stuff it down. Oh, they're going to have a meltdown later because they've been holding for hours. We are the same way, we just forgot. So when you ignore it, it gets louder and then you think that you're anxious all the time, when actually you've just been holding it for all that time.

Speaker 1: 41:44

And so acceptance is learning to ride the waves. Think about the ocean. You're in the ocean and a wave comes. Do you want to accept that the wave is coming and ride it back to shore, ride it back home or let it plummet? You and some waves are bigger and some are pleasant and smaller, and your only job is to accept that the wave is coming and ride it. And sometimes, as adults, because, depending on how much and here's the mind coming into the equation depending on how much story is wrapped around it, how much you are feeling the wave, the fire, you could feel that way for days. And so, yes, it comes in 90-second waves, like even grief. You're not going to move through grief fully in 90 seconds, but it comes in 90-second waves. And then you feel better again, and up here's another grief wave. But if you work, if, if, like a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling anxious, I was in fear, I was in a new launch and all the monkey mind noise came back up, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:13

And I just honored it. I'm like, yep, and this is how I feel, oh. And the next day I was like, oh, it's still kind of here. And usually that's an indication for me of, like, I need to go journal dump this more. I need to see what am I saying to myself right now? Where am I perpetuating this? So again, more practices around that. Anyhow, that's stage two Acceptance learning to be with it as it is, acknowledge it, validate it and get curious about what you're feeling around it. Where is it in your body? And then curious about how can I name the sensations and love them as they are and watch your nervous system just start to allow.

Speaker 2: 43:56

Without that judgment, right Like without the judgment, just like a neutral observer.

Speaker 1: 44:02

Neutral observer. It's your, it's your. It's your child that you love, in a door, walking into your bedroom saying I feel, dot dot dot, hold her until she's ready to go out and play again. Right, how long as long as she needs, how long as long as she needs. And here's what's going to happen. Or here's what happens why this isn't just easy for us, Because if you had a mom that didn't know how to be with her emotions, just knew how to fix it and make it better than you learned to fix it, so you're going to have to overcome that. That's going to take some time. That's a dragon that you need to slay. That's an identity in the movie of your life. That is a main character that does not want to be fired.

Speaker 2: 44:53

No, and it perpetuates over a generation after generation as well, until someone does.

Speaker 1: 44:58

Yeah, and that's that's why healing isn't just linear or easy. Or I'm going to give you these five stages and you're going to move through them real quick. Some it's going to be like you're going to be at this stage for a while. Or maybe you had a mom that told you your feelings don't matter and so just being and acknowledging that there's an inner child in the room, that there's feelings, you're like I don't know that I want to pick you up and hold you right now. Right, I've had many clients like that, that I'm like just pick her up and hold her. Like I don't want to. I'm like, okay, yeah, that's where we're at.

Speaker 1: 45:39

So for those of you that experience it with a little more challenge there, this is the challenge you get to meet because most likely, as soon as you break through this one, it's going to be a breeze from there. But this is the stage, this is the pivotal stage for people to break through. And stage three is getting to the root, getting curious about who modeled this, whose energy is this and where it could give you an opportunity to start to then stage four reparent. So do you remember? You can ask yourself is there a time that I remember feeling this way, or that mom whoever modeled this to you that I experienced this? Can I remember a time? Now don't do this if it's a big T trauma.

Speaker 2: 46:36

Right.

Speaker 1: 46:37

Don't go into any kind of major traumatic moments of being hit or any kind of abuse. Seek help for that. Don't open that box of Pandora, but anything else. See if you can explore. And if you don't remember, imagine it doesn't matter. Can I imagine when was the last earliest time I felt this way and connect to what did I need in that moment? What did I need from my mom? What did I need to say or what did I need to hear? And then give that to yourself.

Speaker 1: 47:20

And that goes into stage four reparenting and rewiring. And if it's mom related, then it's self related and we need to learn to give ourselves what we never got, what was never modeled to us. And if it's dad related, we need to connect vulnerably. Let dad, who is not connected to you, back into your world. That's where you get to have a vulnerable conversation with. How could I have let dad know how he actually makes me feel when he's always working, instead of coming and whining to him daddy, play with me. Daddy, play with me, you don't love me, which would only be like kid. What are you doing? Leave me alone. Instead, saying, dad, when you're always working, I feel alone, I feel sad. And what would make me feel happy is is if we played together. We need to pop these men, these fathers, out of their busy mind which is, you know, their drive to be supported and back into their heart of like, oh shoot, there's a child here that actually feels they don't feel you like mom does. They're not wired that way, so you have to bring them back into that.

Speaker 1: 48:39

And then the re-parenting happened out in the world with others, because that is what the head model, yeah, and what happens when we re-parent, when we give ourselves what we need, it is, we close a loop that was left open. We have a discharge of energy of like, wow, if I actually got that when I was little girl, I wouldn't have had to go into the survival pattern. And so a lot of times you'll experience some kind of emotional release, whether that's yawning I mean consistent yawning, burping your eyes, tearing, crying, tremoring, getting hot, getting cold this is always that the nervous system is now finally making room, discharging that old energy and belief. And then you start to feel different. You start to feel spaciousness and you can ask yourself what's possible now that wasn't before, for myself with myself, for myself with myself, if it's self related, or what's possible now that wasn't before with others or out in the world that wasn't before, and see what arises, that you end up saying in that moment. It's not always the opposite of the trigger, it's just what they're now room for, and that's the rewiring, that's the new belief, that's the new seed that you get to plant in your garden now that you've actually pulled the weed out by the root.

Speaker 1: 50:23

And then stage five is integration, education, stabilization, right. This is where lasting transformation happens. In the integration, you go and you plant a new seed in the garden and you don't come back and water it or or visit it or do anything with it. It's not growing. Right, we could do all the plant medicine work, all the shadow work, all the purging and crying and screaming and breast work and, oh my God, blah, blah. Those are all great, but if you're not integrating it and creating a new identity, a new belief, and starting to practice acting as that new character, you're not going to be ready for opening night. Exactly, you're not going to be able to show up. And so who's going to show up is the old you Survival will show up. And so, making sure that you integrate and say, okay, now that I believe that I am safe in the world or that I can open up to others, I can be vulnerable with others. Let's just say that's the new belief. How does someone like that act in the world? Hmm, I actually have no idea. I have no modeling for that. And that's where education comes in. That's where you can go and listen to the podcast on how to be intimate and vulnerable, or you can do an intimacy retreat. You can attend the one, you could read the book. That's where there's actually room for information, right.

Speaker 1: 52:08

And then the stabilization is. It takes time to stabilize it. You plan to seed. It takes time for it to germinate, sprout, grow, grow deep roots where it is solid, unshakable. And what you're looking at is about 18 months. This is what my mentor told me. Don't ask me why, but he had 40 years of experience. He told me 18 months, especially not with everything.

Speaker 1: 52:37

Some things that are small, you know, minor characters in the movie of your life, boom could be integrated in a week, stabilized in a week. But the main characters you've been playing a people pleaser, or a savior, or someone that always needs to be alone, or a saboteur, or you name it. The main characters, oh, you want to develop a new main character. There's a lot of script they have, there's a lot of practice. They need to be kind, patient and compassionate with yourself in that stage of integration, cause you will, you will fall off the horse, you will fall back. And don't, don't be a little bit too much and don't give up. Then don't judge yourself, then recognize, oh, I fell into old pattern. How quickly can you recognize it and get back in alignment? And that's what you're going to keep shortening is that window of time. And the next thing you know it's stabilized and you don't even remember what it was like being that, playing that old character.

Speaker 2: 53:53

And that's the five stages.

Speaker 2: 53:55

That's amazing I wanted to touch on real quick because the falling off the wagon thing, right, do you find at that.

Speaker 2: 54:04

And I think that looking at it in these, these different stages is really helpful because I see a lot of my clients and just people in my community.

Speaker 2: 54:16

One of the main things that they'll say to me a lot and over and over again is you know, I just can't seem to, I just can't seem to do this, or you know, they like I do it fine and then I go back and do it fine and go back, they can't seem to break those patterns, like you were just saying. And I have you found that by the time you kind of sort of get to that stage five, through this program, right, these methods, the nervous system, regulation and the body, mind connection and integration that needs to happen before you can sort of get to that point, do you find? Because, like I find that most people just try and bypass all of that and that's why they don't, that's why it doesn't stick, that's why it keeps coming back, it keeps coming back, it keeps coming back, and I think that's different than just falling off of the wagon once you sort of do that work.

Speaker 1: 55:10

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, absolutely so, most people. So, thank you, you actually reminded me in awareness is also where you get to become aware of your nervous system and your breath. And are you even in your body? Yeah, do you feel safe to be in your body and nervous system practices that I teach to just cultivate safety in the body, because otherwise you think that you're moving through the stages, you are just skipping from stage one to stage five. You're not even digging in.

Speaker 2: 55:45

That's what I see a lot of oh yeah, let me trim a weed, yes.

Speaker 1: 55:48

So I'm so glad you brought that up, because that is the key, because until we cultivate safety to even go there, we're not going to go there Absolutely. And the key to cultivating safety is working with the nervous system, and for some people they really can't be in their body. They're used to dissociating and checking out and leaving their body, and so those of you that know that that's a survival pattern, you run, you're going to spend a lot, you're going to need to spend a lot more time just in stage one. Those of you that are used to controlling and fixing and don't know what it's like to feel. You're used to being a thinker and taking it all out and overthinker.

Speaker 1: 56:34

You're going to be stuck in state, not stuck. You're going to need to spend more time in stage two. It's more of a commitment. It's a commitment. It's not something to rush through. It's something to go as fast as your slowest part and as someone that's a facilitator or coach guiding someone through it, it's learning to really be attuned to how much energy, how much they can handle, not just like let me check off the boxes and do everything and not says and take them through the five stages in one session. Sometimes I'm able to take a client through all five in one session and sometimes it's successions to get through that one thing, but that one thing happened to be the mothership for that Right.

Speaker 2: 57:28

Yeah, yeah, no, I just wanted to point that out because so many in my community are overthinkers. It goes along, I think, with the creative brain, the neurodiverse brain, the distracted brain. There's a lot to unpack there as well, not just like the physiology of the brain, but also the way it's been imprinted upon and all of those things. And so being that overthinker and getting stuck in that overthinking process, that's why it's also so important to get back in the body, because it left onto its own devices, you're just going to spin that loop. So, yeah, I wanted to just make sure that people really heard that part, because I talk about nervous system regulation a lot, because I feel like that is that gateway, that, like you said, that first step.

Speaker 2: 58:26

I talk about it a lot with my community. My son has autism and when he was younger his teachers just they could not understand why can't he? He seems to have so much growth here and he's so smart with this and all of these things and I'm like he can't actually learn in your class, because he can hear the lights and he can. You know he's worried that the fire alarm is going to go off because he doesn't know that schedule. And if his nervous system is constantly in fight or flight because he cannot handle those loud noises that are going to come whenever he, you know, whenever they happen, he's not even going to be able to integrate what you guys are trying to teach him.

Speaker 2: 59:07

And so it's kind of the same thing with all of this. It's like if you are living in fight or flight all the time and you are so like this, everything is so close to you there's no space. There's no space to actually even allow any of that in, so that first part can last a while, like he's at, and that's okay. Timing is good, you know your timing is perfect?

Speaker 1: 59:24

Yeah, and so, and here's the thing that I'll give you guys a practice for a nervous system. A lot of times if we're been operating in fight or flight, that actually becomes more familiar to us.

Speaker 2: 59:37

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 59:38

That will will swear up and down like oh, no, no, I'm calm. It's like oh, no, no. And then, once they work with me, they're like oh, oh, this is homeostasis.

Speaker 2: 59:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 59:51

Oh, I mean, I've gone through that myself. And so if you want to start to learn how to recognize that, don't wait till you're burnt out or collapsed on the couch to what you think is self care but is actually, by that point, self repair. Be proactive around it. So being proactive and curious is just like you take a few breaks during the day and evening to eat your meals. Take a few breaks to connect to your nervous system, to reset, so that you can start to remember and feel what it's like to be in a downright, to be in a homeostasis Cause. Then you'll recognize it more. When you are climbing, when you are off the charts, when you're outside of your window of tolerance, you'll be able to recognize it and know oh, in this moment, let me do this practice. And so the practice is simple, you could do it anywhere.

Speaker 1: 1:00:54

Anytime starts with two rounds of box breathing. What is box breathing? Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four on empty. So doing two rounds of that. And I love to start with an exhale, because if you're a shallow breather or you tend to freeze and hold your breath, then there's a lot of stagnant air. So start with exhaling it all out, sucking your belly button in so that you're fully emptied out of that stagnant air. So your first inhale could be super deep, feeling your belly, feeling your, your lungs, your chest, and then holding and doing that for two rounds. And then on your third round add tapping on your chest or tapping anywhere on your body, starting to really wake up sensations in the body and on the exhale make sound Cause that activates the vagus nerve. And if you have kids, do this with them. Everybody do it together, you feel like oh, my God.

Speaker 1: 1:02:10

I'm yelling at my kids, I'm stressed out right now hey, kids, let's all do this fun practice together. And suddenly you get to down regularly and so do they, and then it's a happier home. So, starting with that, and you could just do that if you want, and then you could add other things, so doing two rounds of both of those, and then, if you really want, you can get into more of the body, of bringing your left shoulder, your left ear, to your left shoulder, so tilting your head and then with your eyes looking up. So if you tilt your left to your left, look with all the way to the right corner with your eyes and take a few breaths. And then the other side, right, right ear to right shoulder, looking with your eyes, all the way to the top corner, taking a few breaths and then pressing on your neck, releasing anything that's there, all while breathing, and then start to scan your body, close your eyes. Actually, before you scan your eyes, look around your room and name five things that are the same color, and then close your eyes and start to scan your body from head to toe or toe to head, and be like ooh, what do I notice? Any temperature, any tingling any warmth, and all of that is acclimating you back into your body and most likely you'll start to tear or experience some yawning.

Speaker 1: 1:03:46

It's not because you're tired, and maybe you are. This is your nervous system discharging the energy, and if you're not yawning during it, you'll be yawning afterwards, and then just sit in that for a few minutes, be like oh, and then ask yourself what do I need right now, now that you're back in the present moment in your body ooh, I'm thirsty or I'm hungry or I'm tired, I need a break. And then honor that. Honor it, honor your body. Oh, but I just have this one more thing I need to do on my computer. No, that is what happens. We override our body with our mind and we push our nervous system into overdrive, and then we are in fight or flight. And so do this practice twice a day and you'll start to be more tuned to your body and then you'll be able to naturally remember to breathe and remember to slow down throughout your day and listen to your body so that you stay within your window of tolerance.

Speaker 2: 1:04:53

Amazing. That's so great. Thank you so much for all of these wonderful tips. I hope you guys were taking notes. I hope you guys you may have to listen more than once. These were some really awesome, awesome little nuggets that you dropped here for people today, so I appreciate you so much. Tell people where to connect with you and to learn more from you. If they want to work with you or they want to chat with you. Where would that be best for you for them to do that?

Speaker 1: 1:05:24

Yeah, I'm most active on Instagram and even though my bio on there says that I mentor coaches and healers, I also. It's just you know, you got a niche, so that is who I ideally work with now, but for the past eight years, I've worked with every human that is just wanting deeper healing. So same thing with my website, trainingcampforsoulcom. It may stay on there for coaches, healers and leaders, and my virtual program is available to any adult human. So, but if you message me on, if you follow me on Instagram, you'll most likely get a message from me, because I like to get to know all my followers and find out how I can support you, and you could beat me to it and send me a message too.

Speaker 2: 1:06:14

That's awesome. I'll put all of that in the show notes for people to make it super easy for them to connect with you. But thank you so much. This was just amazing, a wonderful, wonderful conversation that I know it's going to have a really big impact on so many people. So thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 1:06:28

Yeah, thank you, listeners for tuning in.

Speaker 2: 1:06:32

Oh my gosh, guys, I cannot wait to hear your feedback from this episode. She dropped some serious nuggets for y'all and talk about actionable tips like right. I hope that you guys got some really good journaling exercises to work on, and I'd like to know if anything bubbled up for you as well. So again, always hit me up over on Instagram and, better yet, share this episode with three people that you think would actually benefit from listening to it. Share it on your Instagram. Make sure you tag me, tag her. I'm going to make sure all of that information is in the show notes and easily accessible for you as well, of course. Okay, so here are some of the takeaways for you.

Speaker 2: 1:07:14

When your inner child is wounded, it reflects in your adult life, and this often hinders your personal and your professional growth. And for creatives in particular, recognizing and addressing these wounds is crucial, because unsolved childhood issues can stifle creativity and really affect your business in a negative way. Inner work doesn't just help healing from these past traumas, but also unlocks these new levels of creativity and resilience for us. It leads to more authentic branding, empathetic leadership and innovative business solutions. Your personal development is intrinsically linked to your professional success. Healing from childhood trauma involves more than just cognitive understanding. It requires emotional and somatic engagement. This holistic approach is especially beneficial for us creatives because it fosters a deeper connection with our work and our audience, and really this one is a big one that I hope you really really hear. Don't wait for self care to turn into self repair. Okay, do this work now.

Speaker 2: 1:08:25

Chances are, if you're listening to this podcast, you're ready, okay, and look, I do this kind of work with my coaching clients all the time as well. I am a very holistic coach. Someone who's worked with me will tell you we're going to dig in to some of your past stuff. Okay, if it's a really big trauma. Obviously, like we said in the podcast, I'm going to encourage you to work with a therapist and a lot of my coaching clients do concurrently work with therapists as well as me. But we can definitely get to some deep stuff and a good coach is going to help facilitate that for you.

Speaker 2: 1:09:04

But you've got to feel safe doing it. You've got to feel you know, you've got to vibe right. So if you feel like you were called to that, or maybe you feel like this is the right time for you, go ahead and book a call with me. It's a free call, you can just listen. I will let you know how I would approach this situation that you're going through and you'll see if we vibe or not. So there's no obligation to you and that link is going to be the show notes as well. So thank you again for tuning in. I love you guys. I hope you have an amazing rest of your week and your upcoming holidays are filled with peace and regulation and a lot, a lot of love.