Trauma-Led Vs Reparative Success

SPEAKER_02 0:00

So I talk about trauma-less success and a reparative success. Trauma-less success being anything that you achieve because you had no option or choice but to overwork, because your sense of safety, your sense of usefulness was associated with overworking, you know, overgiving and everything else. Or maybe it was it came as a necessity. People who um make a lot of success, make a lot of money and abundance for themselves. That comes from the fear of scarcity, right? Which drives them to an extent, but then the joy, it gets lost in that process. So trauma-led success, the drive is never desire. The drive is survival and necessity. And reparative um success is when we understand having all the gifts of trauma that got us here. We're not trying to get rid of them, but we're just trying to reprogram them in a way that they become something that are not at the driver's seats anymore. So we don't have to overwork.

How Trauma Hides In High Achievers

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Welcome to Tried and True with the Dash of Woo, where we blend rock solid tips with a little bit of magic. I'm Renee Bowen, your host, life and business coach, and professional photographer at your service. We are all about getting creative, diving into your business, and playing with manifestation over here. So are you ready to get inspired and have some fun? Let's dive in. You guys are in for such a treat today because I have one of my favorite people in the world on the show today. Her name is Faria Barles. She's a good friend of mine. She is also a chartered psychologist, a trauma expert, and she is also the founder of The Method, which is a psychological framework that helps high achievers transform subconscious survival patterns into self-leadership, creative expansion, and aligned success. So, yeah, she's pretty much exactly what we need on this show, right? With over 20 years of experience, she specializes in the inner architecture of identity, nervous system capacity, and sustainable business growth, guiding individuals beyond conditioned roles into lives that reflect their true potential. She's also the host of From Trauma to CEO podcast, where she challenges conventional narratives about success and explores what it truly takes psychologically and emotionally to expand, lead, and succeed. We dive into all of that and more because she and I do have work that sort of overlaps just a little bit. Obviously, she has been at this a very long time and is such a pro in the field. When I met her, I was like, oh my God, you're like my fairy godmother. You know, she just has all of this knowledge and experience, and she has this perfect melding of science and soul. And she's she's so intuitive as well. And she's just a delight. So you guys are gonna love her. Let's jump in. Hello, Faria. Thank you so much for being here. I love you as a person. So this is already like my favorite day ever because I get to see you on Zoom. But one of the things that I love about you that I'm excited to introduce to my audience is that you are deeply intellectual, right? But you're also deeply intuitive at the same time. And you don't really separate those two, right? That the science and the soul. And you know, like I love that kind of stuff too. And you let them all come together. So today isn't necessarily gonna be about, you know, productivity tips and anything like that, or surface level stuff. I want to dig into like the deeper stuff, all of the things that happen underneath ambition and all the things that you talk about on your podcast. And so we're gonna stop right there for a second. I want to like just kind of jump right in. First of all, one of the things that you talk about a lot, and I think is really, really super important is this idea that trauma doesn't always look like what we think it does, right? Because your podcast is trauma to CEO. But a lot of women listening don't identify as traumatized, right? They think, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. But they do identify as like overfunctioning, self-pressuring, constantly breacing for like the other shoe to drop. So that's where I kind of want to start. How does trauma actually show up in high-achieving women who look like they're doing fine from the outside in your work?

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Well, um, hi Renee. And thank you so much for thank you so much for having me. And of course, the feeling is mutual, and um, we always have lots to talk about. So I'm actually very excited about today. Yes, I it's it's a very interesting topic because a lot of people um do not identify with having trauma at any point, or because they, you know, the common misconception is that trauma is something, you know, gigantic or some or a horrendous event that happens to you, right? And of course, that's a big part of what trauma is, and a lot of people would have gone through that. But what I came to notice and realize through my work with lots of high-achieving um, well, individuals, but then also women mostly, was that you know they are actually working and dealing with the most um, I would say, um, damaging kind of trauma, because that kind of trauma constantly gets rewarded, right? It's not so if somebody has gone through like a traumatic event and they can identify with it, they come and say, okay, this happened to me and I have these, for example, symptoms or whatever, and then they they get to work with that. But with high achievers, what usually comes up is you know, survival strategies, which um to begin with, it can be helpful because it gets them far, because they work hard, you know, they are very um, they tap into you know their inner knowing because they had to know stuff um way before perhaps other children when they were growing up, um, depending on kind of the environment that you're in and everything. So what then happens is, you know, it comes out as overachieving, you know, overworking and uh over-delivering, which by the way, is welcomed by people around you, especially, you know, family life and everything. But what then gets overlooked in the whole process is what the success or that achievement or whatever it is that they're trying to get to, what that actually means to them. What I see is a lot of um capable, clever, smart women who are either bent out and they don't even know that they're burnt out because they don't know any other way. This is how they've always function, right? Or, you know, people who get to some level of you know success, either within their family or work or you know, and now they want to explore bigger things and they just don't know where to go with that. And I would say that you know, my definition of trauma and how it shows up is that every time that we had to abandon ourselves when we were younger and betray ourselves in order to be seen, liked, accepted, loved, you know, our nervous system registers that as a threat, right? So, for example, if I have to be um in my understanding, even though I'm sure now my mother doesn't agree with that, but at the time, my um understanding was that I need to just get on with things and don't complain so much, right? That was my understanding of what it means to be like rewarded, and and then in my small kind of young mind, that was the equivalent to love, right? So then as a result of that, I never really asked for much, and I just tried to get on with things myself and I would figure things out myself, and of course, it helped me in my adult life to a degree, and then after that, you know, especially if you want to expand, you're gonna need to, you know, ask for help, you're gonna need to speak up, right? But then my nervous system did wouldn't have recognized it as safe. So these are the kind of things, these are very micro. I mean, I say micro, but then they define how far you can go in your success and expansion, right? But I wouldn't have necessarily at the time, even when I was at the beginning of my training, I wouldn't have identified it as, oh, I had this traumatic thing. But over time, you know, this messaging that I received created my programming around what it means to be accepted, what it means to be loved. And then I would apply it in other areas of my life, not just in my relationship with my mother or my family. So I would apply it to work, you know, studies, my children, and and you know, intimate relationship and everything else. So that's why I said it's one of the most dangerous ones out there because it doesn't get recognized. And it just becomes part of our default positioning that we just have to deliver, we just have to serve, even at times, you know, we but then there is no kind of return to you know our authentic self and what we are here, you know, to achieve and what we are our kind of inner calling, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah, no, for sure. And I think it's really interesting, you know, because I see this a lot too. And I know, I mean, you've been how long you've been a psychologist for a really long time, right? 20th BS, yeah. Okay, yeah. So you've been doing this work like professionally for a long time, but like you said, you've also seen how it shows up for you and how it carries over to all of these other different pieces of our lives. And I think that like for me as a coach, you know, because I I just have a bachelor's in psychology, so I haven't done that like deeper work with clients in that way. But in my coaching, it'll show up as women who come in and they, they're very dysregulated, obviously, you know, feel really stuck. And they it's usually, it usually shows up in these other ways. They don't really even realize, like you said, it's kind of invisible to them at that point. And there might be like this deeper knowing that something, there's some sort sort of programming, but it hadn't even really crossed their mind necessarily to connect those dots to that stuff from either childhood, uh, usually is what you know it kind of comes from, because they feel like, well, no, I, you know, I hear it all the time. I had I had a great childhood. Like my parents were great. And I always tell them, well, I'm not trying to to pick up pot your parents here. I'm not trying to pick on them. But we need to dig into this a little bit, right? Because there's a reason why this is showing up this way. And when they start connecting those dots, it's like, oh, okay, that makes so much sense. And I know for me, you know, I was the same way. I was like, I had a good childhood, right? You know, I was loved, but there's definitely some stuff there. And there's a reason why I had severe anxiety as a child and didn't even realize, didn't even put those two together until I was an adult that, oh, oh, not everybody has this. Not everybody goes to sleep every night worried their house is gonna burn down. You know what I mean? So when you see that, you know, coming up in the work that you do, how do you help someone untangle that, right? Especially when they've built an identity around being capable and strong and and over functioning, really.

Micro-Messages That Shape Identity

SPEAKER_02 11:39

The first things first, I always like to assure people that this kind of work or, you know, this is not trying to take away your edge, your ambition. You know, this is why I approach trauma from a very different angle. So, firstly, just to kind of um go back to what you were saying about parents and having a loving environment or whatever, this they can coexist. You can go grow up in a very loving environment and have you know a very loving parents and still develop a conditioning around what it means to be accepted, loved. Because sometimes it is about how our parents, because they've got their own programming, right? And if you think about it back in their time or even you know, our grandparents or whatever, they wouldn't have had a lot of real resources or the knowledge that we currently do. So there would have been some, well, I would say a lot of conditioning being passed on. So sometimes parents unknowingly um might kind of give us those conditioning, but also at times it's not even about what they are doing, sometimes it's about how we interpret things as children, right? So um again, I had a client that was, you know, every time we would kind of look at her background and her programming and everything, nothing particularly kind of uh was coming out for me to think, okay, you know, there there was a like a mismatch. Um her issue was um presenting and essentially selling her services, right? She just like she would kind of make herself and her offers a small, she would kind of um over-explain and then at the end would end up overgiving and then become resentful, right? Which then me meant that she couldn't really do her best work, I guess. So when we looked at what was happening underneath it, it wasn't so much that her you know environment required of her to be small or asked them directly, you know, or was she punished for being big. It was none of that. It was that in an environment where she grew up, her brother was very uh, he would take up a lot of space because he would constantly get into trouble. So she automatically interpreted that listen, there's no space for me, right? So I have to make my sort of thoughts and ideas or whatever. Nobody wants to hear it because the house is always focusing on, oh, what did your brother do wrong this time, or what trouble did he get into, or whatever. So you see, even when it's not directly something that's happening to you, it is even these micro messages that we receive. And as children, we don't have obviously the capacity or the sophisticated way of analyzing things, right? So as children, we go, okay, so you know, I'm love because I don't ask for so much, right? Or I don't, you know, I don't stand out or whatever. That's the child's interpretation. So we have to take that into account. So it's not always, oh, your parents treated you bad. It's not that. All that um conditioning that sometimes we even create as children in our own minds. So that's the first part. Bearing that in mind, I don't think anybody would come to this kind of work and not have any form of conditioning. It's just impossible. And I would call it trauma because it did require um us to step away from who we we truly are, you know, and in a way, in many, many ways, hide our gifts. Because I always say trauma and your gift, they live in the same place, right? And we were just talking about that the uh the other day, and it that's exactly how I see it. You know, that if you can tap into your programming, essentially you're tapping into your gift. And your gift is usually, well, not usually all the time, aligned with your mission in life and what you're here to create, to do.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

And um, I know you asked another question there, but I feel like no, I think that that really took me where like I kind of was already going with it because in my mind, I mean, I just I feel like, and yeah, that that whole the gift and the trauma, right? They cohabitate together. That's a really, really big piece of it that a lot of people don't really highlight, I think. And, you know, I've always sort of said, well, there's gold in your triggers, right? Like so if you're being triggered, there's a reason why. And I feel like all these people, I I work with so many creative women, and they're drawn to becoming an entrepreneur and that they get triggered to hell because you know, there's nothing like entrepreneurship to trigger you into everything. It's like so, it can be so stressful. But it's an invitation at the end of the day to look at this. And I mean, it's all a choice, like we always have a choice whether we're gonna look at it or not, right? But that's what it really means, is what you just said is that yeah, if you're willing, if you're really willing to figure out like why you're being triggered in this way, what's coming up there, your gift to the world is literally in that same like pocket, but you're not gonna be able to live it to its fullest potential until you're ready and willing to like open that box, basically.

Visibility Triggers In Entrepreneurship

SPEAKER_02 17:07

Absolutely, absolutely. And it's so interesting that you know, the creative part and the entrepreneurship. You know, entrepreneurship is is a lot about creativity as well, but it requires a lot of visibility, okay? And that kind of visibility, I mean, if you think about it, you know, creativity sometimes can become our armor, right? You know, that we uh produce the work, but we as individuals hide behind it. Whereas entrepreneurship would require you to step forward as the individual, inviting then people to your work. So because the role switches, um, it requires us to in a way upgrade our inner identity as well. And this is where a lot of people get um, you know, very triggered, as you said, and a lot of things start to come up. So the growth, and you know, I mean, I don't even call it reinvention, what you're saying. I call it coming back to your own, to what you were supposed to be and who you were to begin with. But that process, that shift um is unsettling. But uh just because something is scary, it doesn't really mean that it's not the right thing. It's it should never be the preventer, it should be something, as you um correctly identified and said, it should be something to look at, process, and use as a as potentially a gift, because now you know that okay, my identity has been, it's not even my identity, it's just something I learned throughout my programming, it's just something I picked up, you know, and then you never re-evaluated it up until now because you never had to. But thankfully, through these challenges and being triggered and being scared and everything, now you get to actually uh completely change that and create the identity that's aligned with who you are rather than who you had to be to survive.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Right. Because as you talk about that, you know, transference, I guess, from that identity of survival into who you truly are, because it does become your baseline, you know, it really does. Like, and that's the thing. It's like I it reminds me of when, because I mean, I had done, I had done a lot of work on stuff like this, right? Like, luckily, my mom did have the foresight to put me in therapy at a very young age back in the 80s. It was like not a thing that they normally did, but just like this girl needs help. Um, and so I was I was working with a really good therapist in like my early 20s, and I had worked, it was one of the reasons why I wanted to go into psychology, actually, because I really loved the field. And, you know, everything was, I thought I'd done some really good work, right? And I know I did. And then years later, I'm find myself married with three kids. My oldest has autism, as you know, and we had three kids back to back to back, like, you know, with the twins, and everything was just crazy for a while. And it wasn't until my oldest, Reese, was probably I think he was like 12 or 13, things like really started like showing up in my marriage in a different way. Like Andrew and I were just like not doing great. And I remember talking to my therapist at that time, and she was like, Well, yeah, because you've been, you know, she's like, You guys have had so much trauma. And I was like, What? You know, like in my mind, I did not register that what we had been through, like having three kids under the age of two, living a very chaotic sort of like life that we did. I didn't register that as trauma, but she was trying to make the point of like, you've been in fight or flight, girl, for like a long ass time. And now that the kids are older and they have more independence, you have space to like really sort of like figure some stuff out. And it's showing up in different ways now. And I was like, oh my God, like I had no idea. So even if you done this work, it can still keep showing up in different ways.

Reprogramming Safety For Expansion

SPEAKER_02 21:07

It keeps showing up for as long as you want to grow and expand, right? Because if you are staying where you are, chances are a lot of these triggers will never come up for you, right? But the cost of it would be your gift and your magic being lost. To me, that's like a really hefty price to pay just because you don't want to face some of the things and you know that you're and as you said, you know, a lot of the times we don't know any different until we hear about okay, this is the reason as to why, you know, it's it's a it's a psychological and a physiological thing. It's not something that will change because you change your strategy, for example, or you learn more stuff. And look, those are necessary things. And of course, you know, you being a trauma informed coach. You know the importance of every step in your entrepreneurship, in your expansion. It requires you to stop and reevaluate things, upgrade your identity. You cannot go to where you want to go with the same system and a mechanism that got you here. Because it's done its job, right? So you need to upgrade that. And that usually happens through, you know, looking at your subconscious programming. And there's a reason why it's called subconscious, because it's not something that we are necessarily aware of, and it's not something that comes up on a da on our day-to-day basis. It's only when you have to put yourself out there, when you are, you know, being rejected, when you're, you know, when people are just not understanding your work to begin with, then that's the time that things start to come up. So then you have to go against everything that you've you were essentially trained to the way that you behave, the way you show up, that has to change. So, yes, unless we step into expansion, you're not going to face any trigger. So, what I always say is that you don't need to reinvent yourself, you need to resource yourself, you know, and increase your internal capacity, and the rest will just follow.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah, that's what that reparative success, I think, is you you you talk about that a lot. Explain that a little bit for people who have not heard the term reparative success.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

They probably haven't, because I can't explain myself. So I talk about trauma-less success and a reparative success. Trauma-less success being anything that you achieve because you had no choice but to, right? Because you're in survival. So what it means is you had no option or choice but to overwork, because your sense of safety, your sense of usefulness was associated with overworking, you know, overgiving and everything else. Or maybe it was it came as a necessity, you know, like as especially people who um make a lot of success, make a lot of money and abundance for themselves, that comes from the fear of scarcity, right? So that that the fear of being not having enough, which drives them to an extent, but then the joy, it gets lost in that process. So trauma-led success, the drive is never desire. The drive is survival and necessity. Reparative um success is when we understand having all the gifts of trauma that got us here. We're not trying to get rid of them, but we're just trying to reprogram them in a way that they become something that are not at the driver's seat anymore. So we don't have to overwork. You know, we don't have to burn ourselves out just to prove our worth. That we do the work, we succeed because it gives us joy, it gives us a space to be creative, you know, and to create things, to have a you know, fulfilling relationship, you know, nothing has to come at the cost of something else. And look, sometimes we prioritize things, right? I always say, especially with women, you know, there's no such thing as balance, right? Like always, you know, we're always compromising one thing for another. And at times, you know, maybe there's a period where we have to focus on our career more, maybe there's a period where we focus on our children or whatever. But the idea is that your inner success can actually have space so that you don't get burnt out, your relationship doesn't get compromised, your well-being does not get compromised. And on top of that, there is no ceiling for your success because it's not coming from survival, it's coming from desire. And that's something, especially for women, that is not that familiar. Every time I work with somebody, I always inquire about their desire. And honestly, for the most part, they look puzzled because everything that a lot of us uh have done has been because we just kind of got on with it, right? We just knew we could do it and everything else. So that's a gift of drama and programming, but now, you know, it's not working for us anymore. And we want to have more and we want to do more, we want to create more. So we need to shift to reparative success.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Yeah, absolutely. I hear it all the time. And I've been there too. It's like, well, what do you really want? And it it's usually it'll start coming up of like the same story that, you know, like you said, other it's not even their story. It's someone else's story, it's someone else's life, even identity that they picked up and uh the pressure, right? Because yeah, we we've been programmed, even not just individually in our own families, but as women, as you know, a whole. We we have been programmed to overdo, to do, do, do, do, do, to be the mother. And it's like we are tired. I know I am. And I see there's a lot of women coming into my coaching who are in their 40s and 50s, especially. When that mask of hormones, when your hormones drop, like all bets are off. You know, it's like you you were able to like push, push, push, push, push, push, push through, even through like having kids and the hormones that come with all of that, you were able to like override it, override it, override it. And then all of a sudden, a drop in estrogen and progesterone, and you were like, you know what? I don't want to do this shit anymore. And that is when a lot of this work I see it starts coming up for people. And and part of why I do what I do with the podcasts and everything is like, I really want younger women to hear this because I wish I would have heard this in my 20s. I really, really wish I would have had some insight. Um, I had like a a little bit of an inner knowing of it, but not like we're talking about it now. Like on your podcast, that's one of the things that you are you were always talking about as well. And something that I see a lot that I would love for you to kind of chime in on, something that I hear from these women, especially, is I'm exhausted. I I'm done hustling, I'm over it, but I can't really stop. So what how do what do I do? Right. So I wanna I wanna hear your thoughts on that.

Reparative Success And Desire-Led Growth

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Um yes, there is this is where you know, consistently overriding your nervous system in order to perform and to survive does get to a point where it feels like you're just gonna collapse. And of course, pair it with going through the hormonal changes and everything, your tolerance also becomes zero at this point, I feel. And the the idea is not necessarily to stop, the idea is not to uh abandon all the things that we have been doing. I also, as you do as well, I see a lot of women around that age where they manage to constantly and consistently override their nervous system, right? So that you know their nervous system does not even know what regulation feels like because it's always on, you know, fight of light, fight of light. And at times, when they get exhausted, it goes into freeze. And then they say things like, oh, you know, I'm procrastinating or uh I'm tired, but actually, you're because your nervous system is not able to move forward with the fight of light anymore. So I always say to them, the idea is not to stop and abandon everything that got you here, because that could feel very, very unsafe. And that in itself can feel very dysregulating, right? So the idea is to create more safety and capacity internally so we are able to receive, let's say, more help. Because one of the biggest issues that most of these women, myself included, right? Um, because you know, that comes with the territory of being, you know, the high achiever and the doer and everything else, is that you know, we do everything and we get pissed off with people who are not helping or whatever, but we also don't know how to receive. That's also the other thing. We've never been taught or trained how to receive support, help, even money at times when it comes to business. We don't know how to receive, we know how to give, serve, and so now it is not necessarily about doing something differently, it's about internally reprogramming yourself and creating more capacity so that rest, for example, is not it doesn't make us feel guilty. Or, you know, I know a lot of women that actually get a chance to rest and they still don't, right? So we can't just say it's everything that's been demanded of us because at times now we can actually change that. There was a time we couldn't, sure. I accept that and I hear that, but right now, with more awareness, we can actually change that without the external circumstances being that different, meaning that think about truly, truly, truly, how many times you had the opportunity to unwind or rest and you didn't? How many times you could have asked for help or you know, you could have asked for, I don't know, your fees as they were, you know, or whatever, and you didn't. How many times did you know that you know you could put yourself out there, put your hand up and say, I can do it, but you kind of make yourself small? So not everything is um circumstantial. They were at the point, but now we need to expand. It's you know, we need to expand internally so that we start feeling safe with receiving. We start feeling safe to grow without thinking, oh my God, if I want to grow and make, let's say, more money or more impact, that means I'm gonna be even more exhausted than this. So, no, thank you. You know, so that's that's the part where a person is in trauma-led success. Okay, and that's why it has a ceiling. It doesn't go any further than that because your nervous system will not allow it. It's not safe. Again, it comes back to your programming in your family, each individual is different. But one thing we all have in common, especially as women, is um collectively and intergenerationally, it's never been safe for women to take up space. To, you know, we had a rule and we had to uh abide by that. Okay, that times have changed, but let's not forget that intergenerational trauma gets passed on. So the actual trauma might not be here, but the trauma adaptation strategies are here, meaning, oh, you know, my system, my DNA knows that in order to uh become more visible, you know, I I was punished, not me per se, like my parents, my grandmother, my great-grandmother. So my DNA knows that that's intergenerational trauma. So now it's about allowing your system to know that it is safe to receive, it is safe to expand, it is safe to rest. And unless we know it deep down, we cannot make other people create that for us, or we cannot expect the environment, external environment, to become suddenly calm. It's not going to be, right? And for as long as you can give, there is gonna be, there are gonna be people and that are going to receive, right? That's how it is. So it's down to you now, I think, you know, without judgment, but with a lot of compassion and love to understand your programming and go, okay, now I'm going to internally change the architecture of how I operate in the world. As I said, so that your magic can truly then come out, because nobody can tap into creativity or magic when they're exhausted, when they're resentful, when they are, you know, when they've just had enough of constantly giving, rightly so. But in order for that change to take place, if you're waiting for our circumstances to change, I'm afraid we'd be waiting forever.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Yeah. Preach. No, for sure. And I feel like there's a couple of things there. First of all, the receiving thing is a really big one for sure. I hear that quite a bit. And I always tell my clients, like, you know, how do you feel when you get compliments? Because that's a really good indication of like how well you receive anything, especially money. And a lot of women who have a hard time going out there with pricing and they feel like selling is slimy because they've been programmed to believe that it is, but it also is tied to this, what you were just speaking about in terms of capacity, right? Being able to receive and accept even a compliment is a really good indication of like how open you are to receiving all that you're trying to actually accomplish. Because, like you said, you can only go so far. Your nervous system, your unconscious mind is only going to let you go so far because it perceives it as dangerous, whether it is from this generation or multi-generations, and it's that built-in sort of like ceiling. So, you know, you have this desire, I want this, I want more, I want to make more money, or whatever it is. And I don't know why I can't get there. Well, it's not for lack of ambition, lack of trying, motivation. It's because you're not you're not safe, you don't feel safe enough to actually be there because your unconscious mind is interpreting this as literal danger and that you're gonna die. That's like at the end of the day, that's what it is. And so to rewire that, a lot of people say, okay, well, I'm ready. I want to rewire that, but then that feels it feels impossible, right? And so I want to talk a little bit about what you do because yes, you work one-on-one with people, but you also have a program called the method. And so I want to just really paint the picture that I always tell people this, but I want I want you to back me up on this. It doesn't take as long as people think it does. It doesn't have to, anyway, right? So walk us through a little bit about that of like the method and kind of why you created that so that women can sort of like take that journey themselves.

The Method And Vision Capacity

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Yeah, because I mean, I'm so glad you did bring it up because this is where people get uh a little bit disheartened, like, oh my God, now I have to go through years and years of inner work and healing and all of that. And whilst that can be true, you know, I do always um sort of criticize how much people, but also sometimes therapists, behind hide behind the healing process, right? I am in my healing, I can't do this. I can't go on a date not right now because I'm healing. I can't go and do this big project because I'm healing, right? And then we've got the other side, which is the coaching industry. And um, the traditional coaching industry is uh very much actually was dominated by men and how you know they they're pushing through and you know, grinding, waking up at 5 a.m., you know, having an ice shower or whatever, you know, all the things. And then there were books after books after books about what it looks like to be successful, right? You have to do this, and of course it's not going to be compatible for us, right? I mean, by the time uh, you know, I was reading something and some, you know, I was listening to a podcast and it was about you know the first like five hours of the day. And I was thinking, for most women, the first uh five hours is around, you know, like doing the you know, uh you know, breakfast and sending the kids to school. If it's not that, you know, if you are in a kind of hormonal change process or whatever, sometimes in the morning your brain is foggy, right? You it takes a minute for you to get your groove, right? So I feel like if we start, and that's that's that's how uh me and you started uh you know speaking, and this is the reason why your coaching is very different, because it is trauma-informed, because you uh you understand that it's not about just the strategy or minds mindset, even or pushing forward. It is about yes, reprogramming your your nervous system, but everything has to go hand in hand. So I don't believe in you know spending forever just in in healing and staying in the same place, the same way that I don't believe that you should just override your nervous system and just push through, as some of the some of the traditional or you know, old school you know, coaching industry has been teaching us. So, what I do is a combination of both, right? So you have to have the movement because through that movement, uh, as you said, triggers will come up. And then when they do come up, instead of you know spending forever you know going over the route and everything, and of course you have to understand the roots to some degree, but it is about okay, let's regulate, let's create uh you know, a space, let's be intentional around exactly what it is we want. So it's very structured, you know, and it's not something that would be like going into child to your childhood for the rest of your life. Because listen, the more we dig into our childhood, the more stuff is gonna come up, right? So in this um kind of program or the way that I work is I kind of meet people where they're at, you know, this is what you want to achieve. Okay, now let's see what's gonna come up throughout this process of moving towards that, whatever it is that you want to achieve. If you want to, you know, create your own business or you want to scale or whatever else. So then they don't go separately, they go hand in hand. So um, I don't know if I'm answering your questions because I always go off and start going off. But yes, it's it is a set of um structured tools as well as creating a space where, you know, and I know that this is the you know, uh some of this work you do as well, that you know, creating that safety space for people to start having their visions come to life. One of the most important things that I do, the first thing that I do with a client is like, whatever it is that you want to achieve, can you visualize it? Can you actually have a picture, close your eyes and have a picture? And they do, and then I say, okay, is the picture in front of you? And I get very dysregulated. I mean, it's it's if you try it, you'll see what I mean exactly, right? So we have to actually pull the picture back, the imaginary picture, of course, because when it's so close, when they achieved everything they want and they've got the picture in front of them, they become dysregulated because that their internal system does not have capacity to hold that much freedom or success or money or joy, even right? Yeah. Remember, just because something is um you know is something that we want, it doesn't mean that it's familiar to our system because it's not, and we've never experienced it or we've never maybe visualized it in that way. So a lot of the times when people talk about, oh, I want more money, I get them very specific. I get them to or more impact. I say, what does it look like? So they have to create a picture, and now they have to sit with the picture they created, and then things start to come up, right? And then uh people get unraveled. Um, and then we have to, I have to physically pull the picture back, yeah, all the way, you know, to the wherever they're comfortable, and then start working with that, and then bringing the that vision closer, creating space, you know, internally doing the inner work, doing the safety practices, even if, and this is a commitment that you have to, it's not a long process as such, but it's something that you have to continuously do. It's like going to the gym, yeah, like two months and then expecting to be to have six pack for the rest of your life. Of course, it's not gonna happen. It's just something that you have to reprogram yourself on. But once you know how to do it, and once you're given the tools, it's just a matter of practicing it by yourself and then going through it by yourself. And that's why it's not something that will take forever to reprogram.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

Yeah, no, I I I always say that it's it's a muscle, right? You gotta build it up, just like you said, it's kind of like going to the gem, but it is. It's like you can't expect it to shift overnight, but it also doesn't have to take forever, right? Like, I mean, it it definitely everybody's on their own timeline, and it all depends on kind of what you've got going on, just in general, and the willingness to, you know, continue to show up. But that's why it is helpful to work with someone like you in that process. I mean, obviously, psychologists, yes, but like you're it's more than that, right? And so I love that you have a system though and a process for people. And I love that you call it the method because like it is, it's the method. And uh, I'm gonna link it for people in the show notes so you guys can go check it out. And you guys definitely go check out her entire site because she's so fabulous and the podcast, which is still fairly new, but it is so good. Like you're I just love, love. love everything that you are talking about over on your show. It's obviously super aligned with me. But every time I listen, it's so funny because like even though this is like sort of like my wheelhouse and you know me, I like I love all this stuff. Every time I listen I'm I'm like, oh yeah, that's really cool. Like there's always something that I can kind of pull out that you kind of make me see something in just a little bit different way. So I appreciate you. And thank you so much for being here with us.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

Oh thank you so much for having me. And if I may, I just want to say that you know for anybody that's listening that you know there is an easier way. And the reason why you have this want or need or desire or whatever to step into whatever it is that you want to step into is not by coincidence. Right. So you it's just a calling for you to go back to what you're supposed to be doing in this lifetime. Right. So trust that process and just know that everything else that's coming along it is just stuff programming things, you know, it's not something for you to be scared of and then go back because this desire whatever it is if you're creative if you're if you think about starting a business if you're wanting whatever it is that desire was planted in you for a reason because that is in your path and if you follow it you will have nothing but expansion and success. But the idea is just not to be kind of frightened of it, see it for what it is, become more the idea is also not to be fearless, but just become more resourceful so that you can continue on your path and ask for help whenever because that's the thing that we don't all do. And thank you so much Renee for your generous introduction and your generous you know um just way of being and the amazing work that you do as well.

Where To Find Faria And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 45:56

Thank you. I just adore you and you know that. So uh any chance I get a uh a chance to hop on a zoom with you I'm all in. So all right you guys I'm gonna post all the links so you can go find Faria and follow her yourself and dig into all of her work. And thank you so much. I'll talk to you Stan Sweetie. I told you guys Faria was pretty amazing. So I know you guys are walking away with a lot I'm gonna put all the links to all of the things that she mentioned in the show notes so you guys can go and just dig into everything she offers. Definitely listen to her podcast like I said it is some really good insights framed in a way you probably haven't heard before she has a very interesting and unique way of framing it. And I think that's a really important thing like a lot of the work that a lot of us coaches do and psychologists as well tend to overlap, right? Like we we hear a lot these days about nervous system regulation and unconscious repatterning and all of this stuff. But what matters is how it lands for you because every brain is different everybody is different. And so you need to that's why you know yes there's a lot of self-help books they have been for years. It doesn't mean that you still shouldn't write one. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be talking about it if that's what you feel called to do because you have a very unique perspective whether you are a photographer, a creative business owner, online business owner, whatever it is, there are probably a lot of other people doing what you do, but only you can say it in the way that you say it, right? And so that's kind of what I mean here is I want you to go and listen to her show because you're gonna get some really amazing takeaways but also it might be exactly what you need to hear because you never know. I love talking to Faria. I could do it all day every day she and I have these really long voxer threads and honestly I just don't know what I would do without her. So I'm really really happy to introduce her to you guys. I'm gonna put all the links that she mentioned below so you guys can go find out more about everything she does as well. She's phenomenal and I love you guys for being here. I appreciate all of you thanks again for listening have a great rest of your week love you